Anonymouslemming

• Just had a call to ask if I want my left over dinner brought to me. Cheryl really loves me #

• At the vet with poor max. #

… with a helmet on and gets told to piss off. In some places, you can’t even buy fuel using a pre-pay or pay at pump system with your helmet on.

But you can cross the border into the UK wearing a full face helmet without ever removing it.

Weird!

• 0×21 today. Bah #
• Well I managed to piss away another birthday and sit around depressed. I suck. #

• This was a very stupid idea. #

• Waiting for the train to go well sarf of the river #
• We’re on a train about to go unda da sea. Too damn cool! #
• Day 1 total miles – 334. Ouch. #

It’s recently emerged that Sir Fred Goodwin will receive a pension of around 650k per year. When the press says ‘emerged’ what it really means is that someone in the government has finally decided to leak things that it knew last October.

Apparently the chancellor was ‘given the impression’ that this pension deal was legally binding. Well that’s alright then – you’re about to sign a cheque for 20bn quid and you do so based on your impressions or beliefs. Genius – and some people still blame the banks for all of this mess?

Be honest, if some idiot agreed to give you billions and billions of pounds based on impressions you had given him, would you say no? Or would you take the money?

It also looks like the unelected prime minister of the United Kingdom is really, really angry with the bloke who he believes destroyed a bank (singlehandedly if the press were to be believed!) This would be the same bloke that he advised be given a knighthood. The same bloke who used to take tea with him when lived over at number 11.

Open your eyes people – the government are as much if not more to blame than the banks for this mess. Stronger regulation could have nipped the insane bubble in the bud years ago and slowed things to a more stable state. If it had to come to the bailout, it could have been done with more diligence and more class. It could have been done without the constant stream of leaks that are damaging UK consumer confidence.

The government have just given away 20 billion pounds of your money. Without actually reading the contracts. And now they’re wailing about it like small children because they’ve been caught.

What else did they miss? What else is going to bite us in the ass because neither the current nor the previous chancellor can be arsed to read?

• Explaining the same thing to the same person for the 15th time in 2 weeks is FUN! #

I see your kind every day in the streets of London and I wanted to reach out to you and explain some things about human biology.

You may have noticed that your head is attached to your body by a neck. While this is sometimes inconvenient and means that there is more of you to keep warm (buff love your business, honest!), this body part really is quite functional. For the male of the species, the neck is a good place to hang dog tags or other forms of identification that will make it easier to identify your horribly battered and mangled body at some point in the future. For the female of your tribe, it allows for the wearing of decorative tokens like necklaces. This can be very useful given the holier-than-thou attitude so often displayed by your breed – a simple shiny rope about your neck may yet allow you to attract a male.

The neck though, has other, potentially more useful functions. Beyond providing a cunning wet riser to run tubes for eating and breathing between your head and your torso, it also allows your head to rotate without moving your body.

A normally functioning neck will provide just over 180 degrees of left to right motion for your head, allowing you to look all over the place without having to change the orientation of your body. This range of vision can be further improved by moving your eyes in their sockets. The neck also lets you move your head up and down, but that’s less relevant to this communication.

On the basis that you can look left and right, I’d like to offer a piece of advice – before moving from the safety of your bus lane or cycle lane, how about you take 2 seconds out of your day to have a quick look over your shoulder? The life you save may be your own!

You see, I’ve about had it with you whinging bastards in the media going on and on and on and on about how car drivers, bus drivers, motorcyclists, pedestrians, the weather, the economy, blue frogs and other imaginary issues are all out to get you. I could stand your self righteous bitching if I didn’t watch so many of you try to kill yourselves on a daily basis, but as it is, there are several representatives of your tribe trying very hard to kill themselves at any cost. And when these idiots are not trying to kill themselves, they seem to target pedestrians who commit the grave sins of trying to cross at a green traffic light or pedestrian crossing. How dare they!?

Moving from the bus lane into the centre lane directly in front of a lorry doing 30mph is just stupid. Looking over your shoulder would let you see the big lorry and you might survive. We don’t really need the self righteous pricks who still decide that they have the right to pull out in front of that lorry, and they’re more than welcome to be dead right. With the emphasis on the dead.

Every time I get into a plane with the inention of getting out at 13k, I’m reminded that from start to finish, I’m responsible for my safety on the jump. Not the person who packed my rig. Not the spotter on the door. Not the pilot for putting the green goGoGO light on. Not the person who positioned the arrow pointing downwind. It’s my life and I’m responsible for saving it.

Maybe we need to see more of that attitude on the road!